I AmSoFr...

I AmSoFrigginBored.LifeIsSoFrigginBoring.IAmSoStupidAndUgly.

Wow. I haven'...

Wow. I haven't updated in so long (for good reason). I really don't know what to write. I'm doing so much better in my life. Well, in hiding in my life. Just two months of this torture left, I chant to myself as I sit on the big yellow transportation device that seniors should not be subjected to. I sit alone and sit alone and sit along, as I am surrounded by people. I don't fit in at that place and I don't think I want to. High school was always such a mystery and an allusion to me. I never saw the mean and the bratty and the stereotypical until now. But it's there, full blast. Even the ones who think they aren't, are. But I'm doing so much better in the romantic situation (or lack thereof). Sure, I still snap at him, and I still throw drumsticks at him, but he's the one who offered the ammunition. I don't know. I was able to hold a conversation with him and not cry after. That's a real first. And I'm so proud of myself for it. Like I told Sean, he was my first everything, and I'm always going to love him. But if he asked me to take him back right now, I couldn't. It's too late for us, and I knew that when we broke up. I didn't want to believe it, but I already knew. Making myself understand that was the biggest problem. I miss having him around, I miss talking to him, I miss kissing him, and even doing the other things that everyone else is so repulsed by. (I didn't find it so repulsive.)But I know that I wasn't the problem. That was another of the big problems. I thought I had done something, I was the cause of it. But I wasn't. I was the perfect girlfriend. I mean, I trusted him with her, alone. Many times. And I did just about everything in that "75 tips to make him crazy" article in Cosmo. Without the article. On my own. Without any guidance from him, or him requesting any of it. I never complained about doing anything, and I would've done anything else if he asked in the right way. I was the perfect friggin' girlfriend. I never said he couldn't talk to this girl, and I wasn't jealous of that girl. I never said he couldn't do this or that, I just wanted to be included in things. Which he never allowed me to be. I would've done anything and he didn't want me to, so it's his lose. He'll realize sooner or later that he's lost the best thing he'll ever have, and he'll come crawling back and I'll laugh in his face. So ha. Yea, I said I was doing better, not that I wasn't bitter.But now, I have a bigger problem. Before, I felt bad about telling someone I wouldn't go out with them because I didn't have any romantic feelings for them. Now I feel bad about it because I do. Gosh. I don't want to have feelings for this person, and it's complicating things so much. And I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH FLIRTING IS TOO MUCH!!! It's killing me! And I have no one to tell any of this to. No one to rant to. Which is why I'm writing this. I'm still not putting a name, though anyone could figure it out. It's a total DUH! Because not a lot of guys are interested in me. I've had 3 in the past...um, okay, my entire life, and they're all pretty open about it. So, now I know I can't do anything about these feelings. I can't do anything with this person, because I'm leaving in two months and it's utterly ridiculous to start a romance now. Stupid really. But I'm having real problems keeping away from it. I don't know how to avoid the situation, especially since I really don't have that many people around to distract from it.I'll have to figure out something that won't sacrifice the friendship. Well, that's what I'm trying to do, because I don't want a repeat of my last relationship. (If I had known it would end this way, I honestly wouldn't have gotten so involved with my best friend....I don't think...)Anyway, it's getting quite late for me, and I still have to download some things. Buh-bye, dearest Live Journal!

We are going t...

We are going to try some fun, new idea :) Here's the rules, you fill this out about me, and send it back. Then, you send it to all of your friends to see how much they know about you. Ready? Here we go... Basic Stuff* Full name (If you know it): Nicknames: If you could give me a nickname, what would it be? Age: When's my birthday? Siblings? What grade am I in? What school do I go to? What color eyes do i have? What color hair? What is my favorite color? How long have I known you? Where did we meet? Answer yes or no* Am I... Funny? Smart? Pretty? Cute? Nice? Friendly? More Am I* Quiet or Loud? Short or Tall? Weird or Original? Friendly or Selfish? Normal or "Special"? Boring or Fun? Attractive or Unattractive? Fat, Skinny, Thin, Just Right? Relationships* Who are my best friends? Who do I have a crush on? Do you think I'll get married? If so, to who? Random Stuff* What song reminds you of me? If you could give me anything what would it be? If you could describe me in one word, what would that word be and why? What was your first impression of me? What is your impression of me now? If you could ask me any one question, what would it be (I might answer it)? If you could tell me one thing right now and not care about what you are saying and how it would affect anything, what would it be? If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be? State your full opinion of me here:

SODA POP S...

SODA POP SODA POP! I'm such a closet britney fan, but anyway, Soda Pop mentions fire and ice and that is such a total Ginny Draco thing!! WOW! anyway, I was cleaning my room, trying to completely take my mind off of everything, when over my Windows Media Player, Soda Pop starts! And I hear the fire and ice part and I freeze! I look up and say "Song fic! Song fic! OHOH! YAY!" So now I'm in a totally creative mood and I'm supposed to be cleaning but I'm just too distracted! [male rapper] Like a great boy, all my other women are insolesWe're thinkin 'bout the great exphidition as popped we chose[Britney & rapper] So here we come, throwing here[rapper] Throwing here all on the sceneThough we go[Britney & rapper] On and on[rapper] come, come follow me Britney[Britney] yeahMm-hmm, soda pop, watch it fizz and popThe clock is tickin' and we can't stop (can't stop now)Mm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bopThe clock is tickin and we can't stopWe might start riding to the music tonightA clever way to get by, ohThe pops keep flowin' like its fire and iceSo give it a little blind, oohMm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and pop (mm-hmm)The clock is tickin and we can't stop (now)Mm-hmm soda bop, bop shu-bop shu-bopThe clock is tickinand we can't stopOoh-OohWe have a plan, we have a definite planTo level the vibes (vibes)To level vibes agian (ooh-yeah)SeeWhere ya ba-do for a superlative self, oh yeahA wicked time to the end, oh yaeh, soMm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and pop (ooh)The clock is tickin and we can't stop (can't stop)Mm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bop shu-bopThe clock is tickin and we can't stopSo much pop we're losing, sittin watchin the clockSo turn the tables baby, let's go over top (take it to the top now)No one else will doI'm waiting for youSo me what'cha got, just take a pop shotAnd we will never stop shu-bop, shu-bopyeah, mm-hmmThe clock is tickin and we can't stopMm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bop shu-bopThe clockis tickin and we can't stop (can't stop)Do it like we never have before (before, before, before)And lovin it til we drop (we drop, ah, we drop yeah)We'll flex tonight until they break down the door (oh yeah)The party won't ever stopsoMm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and pop (no, uh yeah)The clock is tickinand we can't stop (stop no)Mm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bop shu-bopMm-hmm soda pop (no) watch it fizz and pop (oh)The clock is tickin and we can't stop (can't stop)[rapper] I bet you we can pop like we've never popped it beforeWhy we keep commin back fdor more and more for sure (sure)It's cool Britney when wee get down on the floor yeahAnd we go[Britney & rapper] On and On until the break of dawnMm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and popThe clock is tickin and we can't stop (ah, can't stop, no)Mm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bop shu-bop (ooh yeah)The clock is tickinand we can't stop[rapper] All we gotta do is justMm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and pop (oh yeah)The clock is tickin and we can't stop[rapper] Oh, we're on the bend[Britney] Mmm, uh-oh

Is he lying...

Is he lying to me or is he lying to his mother? I don't know, and I can't figure it out. Why would he lie to me about it? Unless of course it's to intentionally upset me and make me mad. And why would he lie to his mother? I don't know. That would be stupid. I'm so very confused. And I have nothing to do, therefore my mind is entirely blank except for thoughts of this complete insanity. I wish something was on television, or I could find a decent draco/ginny. Too bad I can't. My thoughts wouldn't be wondering this far away, then. I wouldn't be so confused. I'd block it out. I'm so terribly bored.

I've done...

I've done okay today. I think I've done a little better than just okay, considering the pain I still feel. I didn't cry. At all. I woke up at 1:30 and called Jess and Chrissy to go to the movies. We left at 3:30 and went to McDonald's before seeing The Butterfly Effect at 4:40. I almost threw something at the screen at one point when Lenny and Kaylee were kissing, because it was just so sweet, and then again when Kaylee died and Ashton (forget his character's name) threw the flowers and the "I'll come back for you" sign in on her coffin. But romance was not the main idea of the movie, therefore not a chick flick or a date movie. It was extremely good, and I fell in love with the psychological aspect of it. I'm so happy that I saw it, even if I hate Ashton Kutcher with a passion. Punk'd is the stupidest show I've ever seen. And honestly, I'm not a fan of That 70's show either. And his character in Cheaper by the Dozen is a total ass and I don't think he's acting in that movie. But anyway, after the movie, we went to WalMart. I saw Micah, Aaron, Mr. Sowards, and Ms. Ellen (just the names I grew up calling the adults) and we said hi. I counted that as 4 Duvalians. We walked in the door and saw Mike and Sam Wright with Danielle Dunlap. Jessica and Chrissy were shocked at the "Mike dating Danielle" aspect of the meeting. After exchanging hello's with them, we went further into the store. A total of 8 Duvalians were spotted, and we were just in there for 5 minutes. Ms. McCormick was # 8. I got an O.C. poster that I'm going to save for my college dorm room, I believe. Or else I'll clean up my walls a little and move some stuff around to find room. By the time I got home, it was already around 8:30, 9. I watched some television, then read my magazine, then got online and updated blurty and check email. Then I got offline to watch more television. I'm incredibly bored. Oh, and my parents bought me two very pretty necklaces that I'm very proud of. They're silver. I like silver. But I think I did pretty good, not throwing sharp objects at happy kissing couples, and not going completely dependant and contacting the dork. I barely even thought of him, except for the dreams I kept having this morning. Those dreams made me sad. I wish I could control my subconscious. I wouldn't have dreams like those anymore. They're not happy like they used to be.Last night at the game was very fun, though. I love watching Aaron play basketball. He's so pretty and funny. But my mom talked to Thaddeus and Sissy. I don't remember all that was told to me, but I do know most of it was bull. He gets mad at me every day? I try to stay away from him as much as possible. I don't even talk to him during band. Heck, anymore, I only talk to Kaela and the other flutes. And that's only because they're close enough to hear my sarcastic and self critisistic comments. I don't even think that's a word, but it's the best I could come up with. And the rest of the day, I don't even see him, unless he comes to the part of the hall we sit in, and I don't say anything unless he stops. And then I usually end up leaving, so as to NOT cause problems, because I know he hates me. So, y'know, not my friggin' fault. Then I was told many different times that he IS going out with Monica. I was told that he DID go to her house after U.B. I was told they were very happy and together all the time. Well, guess what Sissy said! She said that he never went to her house, that they just dropped Thaddeus off somewhere that Dean could pick Thaddeus up. She said that he never went to her house. She said that they weren't dating and that she barely even went to Mark's anymore. She said that he didn't talk to anyone other than Mark on the phone and he didn't go to any one's house other than Mark's. She said that the only reason that he said I was too mature was because everyone else kept telling him that. Everyone else told him I was too old, and he let them influence him. My mom told Sissy that he needed to take into account what people were probably saying to me, and that it would most likely have been much, much worse than just "He's too young." And, trust me, it was. Everyone had horrible things to say about me because of him, and I never let it bother me. I never took into account the way I was seen by everyone else by dating him. The only time I didn't care what people thought, and the only time he did. Hm...Irony?? Yes, my favorite literary device. Irony. Yes, it was a very knowledgable night, and I learned quite a bit, not only about that situation, but many others. It was interesting.