it's jus...

it's just like, whatever, y'know, i've felt like that all week....i've just been sittin' in my room, doing nothing, not thinkin' about jarrod and brandon and bre and britni and everything is just so much better that it has been for....well, since my brother was home the last time....with his ex...i don't know what's wrong with my stupid brother...i never will, i don't think i want to...he's had so many great girlfriends, but the more he gets, the less great they get....there was lisa, who still calls, visits, emails, tries to keep us up to date with my nephews life...now there's ranee...i don't think she's going to do that...ne of that...i have the feeling that after she and my brother broke up, we ain't gonna get to see my baby neice ne more, unless ranee trust lisa enough to bring her up here when she brings damien....but that ain't gonna happen, i don't know why i even bother to think about stuff like that, it's all my idiotic brother's fault that i have a neice and a nephew that i'll never get to see....i hate him more than ever, but how can i say that about one of the two people that raised me until i was 5...my two brothers raised me....my parents were always cleaning and working, my brothers taught me everything i know....they got f's in school, but still taught me how to read, how to write, how to do everything i knew until school...but now, they don't even know i still exist...they usually call up here to talk to my dad and get me instead...they make small talk for about half a minute and say "well, i'll talk to you later, bye!" as fast as possible....they probably don't even know i'm turning 16...they probably don't even care....well, in that case, i don't care about them! all week, though i have still been wishing that the phone would ring and it would be brandon....even though i know that would mean my dad hunting him down and killing him, i still so totally wish he'd call....i hate that i like him, especially with jarrod around...jarrod's the sweetest guy i know, but i mean, he's a 7th grader....that's a little to young for me....even though he is everything all the magazines describe as the 'perfect guy'....they forgot to mention the fact that the guy needs to be in a your age limit...which jarrod is not...now brandon, he's older than me, even though he's a year behind me in school, which is just fine with me...i mean, 9th grade isn't that bad....but 7th?? there's just no way! it's friday....on monday my week of freedom is over and i go back to school....i get to see brandon of a morning 0:> then put up with the brats throughout the day....then i've got to find a way to skip lunch so that i don't get sick again...alg. 2....shoot, just gotta survive that....(haha)....get through band, which i know we'll be practicing for the parade next week, which means, back 2 majorettes....my mom and docter told me that if it was stressing me out then i couldn't do it....i wish they'd make me quit because i can't bring myself to quit....i've never quit at ne thing even if i did suck at it this bad!!! well, i don't really suck, it's just britni and breann make me believe i'm the worst majorette in the world...which, i know i'm not....i've seen worse!!!! in the gym...definitely...i hate this!!!!! gr!!!! i don't wanna do it!! no! gosh! i'm whining again! i hate whining! well, i've got to go find some way to make my ice cold hands turn human again....Crystal Brandon LovesNichole ------